Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
