why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
