I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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