My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
