i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
