using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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