Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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