Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Green mimosas i think yes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
