It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
