One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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