i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
