do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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