My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
