I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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