After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
