Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
