I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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