I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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