she woke up with a sticky ear
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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