I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
