Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
