I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
