We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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