please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
