she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
