I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
