I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
