Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
