Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
