Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
