i love accidental penises.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
