sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
