I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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