...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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