So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
