So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
