i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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