I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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