I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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