I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
