Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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