Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
