I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
