Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
