I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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