my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
