I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
