No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
