i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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