john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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