He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
