You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
