i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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