pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize