I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
