I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
