Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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