why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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