I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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