I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
