By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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