I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Couch. On fire.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
