I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
