my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
