Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
