Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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