omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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