Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
