Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
