What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
