I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
