Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
