Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
