We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Randomize
