insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
