p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
