My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
