tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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