I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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