The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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