Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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