i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
