I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
