How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
