Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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