I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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