Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
